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How To Tell Your Boss You Need 420 Off

Mass Roots reports:

The countdown is nearly over. That magical day that comes around once a year. A day filled with wonder, enchantment, and creative ways to use cheese. That’s right, sweet friends, April 20, 2016 arrives next week.

Basic Excuses

Aunt Dro

With so much to be hyped about, it’s easy to forget that 4/20 falls on a Wednesday this year. Not ideal for us workin’ folks. But fear not, MassRoots readers, we’re here to let you know most bosses are pretty cool with days off here and there, especially if asked early enough.

That being said, your boss might require some sort of reasoning beyond “I want to see how many blunts I can torpedo in twenty-four hours,” so here are some absolutely valid reasons to ensure you’re home for the holidaze.

“My Aunt Dro is in town”

This works with any family member really whether it’s your Uncle OG Kush, Grandpa Dankenstein, ol’ Cousin Cheeto, or your Aunt Jemima (you probably are going to eat a garbage truck full of pancakes at some point).If you want to add some true legitimacy to this, invite a family member over to smoke!

“I’m putting on a musical/play/art exhibit”

Or anything creative for that matter. It’s not like you’re lying when you finally figure out how to sync up Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon with The Force Awakens (which is totally a thing)

“I’m courting a ‘high’ profile client”

Talk about your job with your friends, even if it’s to say your job sucks.

Doctor/Dentist Appointment

Make one of these early in the day and get it out of the way. Get checked out, your teeth cleaned, maybe even pick up some prescription ganj.If the doctor or dentist freaks you out, just make a physical therapy appointment.And by that, I mean get toasted and go get a Thai massage. It is majestic. Trust me.

Not-too-serious physical ailments

Say you have a migraine/cramps/diarrhea. This just works.  You know what’s great for those three things? Exactly.

Ask your boss if you can work from home

Sure, you’ll have to put in a little company time, but at least you can do it in pajama pants with a Reno 911 marathon on.

Pray for a blizzard/hailstorm/asteroid

Watching weather when you’re lifted? Grade A.

Calmly tell them you’ve burnt yourself

But then say “a huge bowl” under your breath.

Your allergies are acting up

And let’s be honest, you might break out in hives if you don’t smoke some of that sweet, sweet ganja.

Holidays on 4/20

Those are just a few reasons a boss might let you off the hook this coming 4/20.  However, if you’re feeling feisty, try breaking out some of these real holidays that also fall on April 20.

Chinese Language Day

This holiday is legitimately sanctioned by the U.N.  Can’t provide much more clout than that.  All you have to do is learn a few simple Mandarin phrases to drop on your boss and you’ll be enjoying your Jackie Chan movie marathon and piles of lo mein takeout in no time.

National Look Alike Day

Find a celebrity that looks like you and tell your boss you scored tickets to a free lunch with them. Then spend the day getting ripped and browsing their Instagram account while eating grilled cheese. That counts.

National Pineapple Upside Down Cake Day

No joke, this is actually a holiday. Bring one of these succulent treats to your boss, then straight up leave. These cakes are so freaking delicious they won’t even notice you’ve gone because they’ll be so engrossed in its rich flavor.

Volunteer Recognition Day

With this week to prepare, it’s not too late to get involved in your community. Take a day to clean up a sidewalk, plant a tree in a park, or care for the elderly. Then take Wednesday off next week because you’ve earned it, you volunteering champion, you.

Fenway Park and Wrigley Field Opened

If your boss is a fan of the Boston Red Sox or the Chicago Cubs, let them know their historic stadium opened on this day in 1912 and 1916 respectively. Go eat a hot dog and watch baseball.

The Collapse of the League of Nations

Because that totally happened on 4/20. Suck it Woodrow Wilson.

Lima Bean Respect Day

If you tell your boss you’re taking the day to respect lima beans, they may give you the day off anyway so you can collect yourself and stop being weird for respecting lima beans.

L Ron Hubbard Exhibition Day

Uhhh. If you really want to go the Scientology route, it’s available.

Important Birthdays on 4/20

Or, you can choose any of the following birthdays as a reason for celebration:

Harold Lloyd

Dope silent movie comedian who was the contemporary of Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton. Get your boss to watch Safety Last and they will legitimately have a chuckle.

George Takei

Mr. Sulu from Star Trek, self-proclaimed King of the Internet, and Taco Bell spokesperson. What better person to celebrate on your day of Star Trek reruns, Internet surfing, and quesalupas?

Andy Freakin’ Serkis

The motion capture legend who played Gollum in the Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit. Celebrate by gluing a bunch of ping pong balls to one of those weird green body socks

Tito Puente

Super sweet Samba drummer and music producer. Here’s a video of him on the Simpsons.Proceed to get groovy.

Carmen Electra

Run in slow motion on the beach for this Baywatch star’s birthday.

Sarantuya

A Mongolian soprano opera singer. Don’t know who he is but his name and profession are both super cool and Wikipedia says his birthday is on 4/20. You should totally name your water pipe after him.

Stephen Marley

One of Bob’s sons and six-time Grammy Award winner. Appropriate he was born on this momentous day. Lively up yourself.

Killer Mike

Half of the monumental rap group Run the Jewels. Let your boss know that on Wednesday you’re having yourself a Blockbuster Night Part 1.

So there you have it, way too many outlandish reasons to request off on 4/20. Remember; let your boss know as soon as possible for the best possible results. The earlier you let them know, the more likely you can get off. Also, make sure they’re in the right mood when you ask them.

Oh, one last method of requesting off and in my opinion the best one of all:

“Boss, I’ve been crushing it. I deserve to take the day and burn down a metric ton of marijuana this coming Wednesday.”

Happy Holidaze!

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Richard Lowe

Richard Lowe is a 14-year veteran of the financial sector with licenses as a commodity broker (Series 3) and investment advisor representative (IAR Series 65). Along with a focus on raising capital for the firms he was employed with, he also wrote and edited much of the content published by them. He holds a BA in Journalism from the University of Massachusetts. He has been a longtime advocate for marijuana legalization due to the social injustices associated with marijuana prohibition and the strong potential for the medicinal benefits of cannabis.

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